Of Lice and Men

Know what pisses me off?

Lice.

And we think our house — and our 16-month-old — might be infested with the little creatures.

The Hurricane has been scratching her head a bit lately, and last night we went exploring on her scalp — no easy feat since she is absolutely against sitting still for longer than three seconds, and despises cuddling, so it was a no-holds barred, strap-her-down-and-pick-at-her-scalp affair.

Not very pleasant for anybody, and it drew the real tears, those big dallops that slowly roll out of her eyes and suspend themselves halfway down her cheeks so Mom and Dad can stare into them as they grow fatter and wetter, until you can almost see your own reflection in them.

Unfortunately, we came up with a couple tiny brown bugs, and that can mean nothing else but lice. Fan-fuckin’-tastic. Gotta love daycare. Or else The Boss is cheating on me with a monkey, and that option is still on the table.

So, with a quick web search, we discovered that the main problem is getting rid of the nits, which are essentially the eggs of the little bastards, and what are soon to be the bane of my existence.

After hog-tying The Hurricane so The Boss could do some more looking, we later came up with no lice and no nits.

So where does that leave us? We had proof, and then our proof disappeared, leaving no trace that it even existed.

But we do know that we now have to wash everything in the entire house in steaming hot water to kill the alien creatures, and that process began last night — we got as far as filling the washing machine with water for the first load.

And then nothing …

Not a click, not a bang, and certainly no attempt at agitation. Except on my part — I was extremely fucking agitated.

So now we have a louse infested house, no proof that they exist, a daughter with an itchy spot on the back of her head, and a busted washing machine with a dozen loads of laundry piled up in front of it.

And to boot, we spent $1,000 on car repairs on Thursday.

They say bad things come in threes, and I didn’t realize I’d pay so dearly for winning $90 in the lottery on Wednesday night!

So I guess the Rule of 3’s is what pisses me off moreso than lice.

They’re just assholes.

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5 Responses to Of Lice and Men

  1. Kim says:

    Oh God Dwight! Good luck!!!

  2. Eric says:

    LOL! I am so sorry man, but please watch this, if you haven’t already… it might make you laugh… just a little bit!

  3. […] recap – we found a few lice on The Hurricane on Friday night. After pulling the actual bugs out of her hair, we have found nothing since, except […]

  4. 1sttimedad says:

    Thanks Eric, that’s awesome!

  5. […] And, in the long run, Mama’s Girl may be happy I remember nothing about her childhood, because The Hurricane will not like the fact I have proof of her every move when it comes to my speech on her wedding day. I’m sure her new husband will love to hear about the time she picked up lice at the babysitter’s. […]

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