Christmas gonna suck? Blame Santa

An article shows that 44% of 1,000 mothers surveyed are going to hang the Big Guy out to dry this Christmas.

Yeah, the shitty economy is even causing reverberations at the North Pole.

Belts are tightening because jobs, brokerage firms, sub-prime mortgages and Wall Street suits are disappearing at alarming rates, and almost half the people surveyed said they’ll be telling their children that Santa has had to cut back on Christmas this year, because of the trying times.

Meanwhile, five per cent have actually said they’ll shatter the lore of Saint Nick for their kids and have a frank discussion on the economic downturn and why their present haul isn’t what it used to be.

And then there’s the oblivious troopers – the 49% who said they’ll do whatever it takes to make sure their child’s wish list is fulfilled. Because what good parent wouldn’t put themselves into more debt just so their kid can have an XBOX 360 or the coolest $500 iPod, or an iPhone or any other technological crap that a person without their own multi-million dollar corporation doesn’t need?

I’m definitely with the 44% who would rather pin a smaller Christmas on Santa Claus’s struggles than tell a six-year-old that Mommy, Daddy, Suzie and Billy are one bounced cheque away from standing in line at the soup kitchen while big men with back braces take everything out of their home – yes, your cute little Dora bed too, sweetheart – because the economy is in shambles and we can’t afford anything and Santa isn’t real, and what do you mean you lost your innocence prematurely and will blame me for your growing up too fast when you turn to drugs and alcohol at 13 and start turning tricks at 16?

Nope, not in my house. Santa is walking the plank, baby.

The Hurricane: Dad, why did Santa bring me a pair of old socks and a book of stamps for Christmas?

Smartest Dad Ever: Well honey, Santa is having a tough go this year. See, over the past 10 years he hasn’t paid much attention to the shift in the market and continued to make these huge, giant toys that his highly-paid elves produced at a steady rate, despite nobody really wanting them anymore. Then, when the fuel prices got too high for Santa to deliver his presents, he decided to move his business to China, India and Mexico, to save money on staff. This caused a terrible chain reaction in the North American toy market, and now, there’s just not enough toys out there for everybody. So, instead of you getting that (check the list) really big dollhouse and that super-awesome giant dog that barks and wags its tail and walks and licks itself and costs $200 at Canadian Tire, Santa has to spread his toys out to all the boys and girls and the kids that are a lot less fortunate than you get the best toys first, and the ones who get to eat turkey on Christmas get what’s left. So here’s your peanut butter sandwich with a candy cane on top, now who do you want to mail that stinky sock to?

Oh yeah, that totally works for me.


One Response to Christmas gonna suck? Blame Santa

  1. Eric says:

    Maybe you can use the bad economy to your advantage all the time. lol

    Or even say…

    Santa has to save up to make toys b/c he has had to do some budget cuts… the economy has forced him to lay off a lot of his elves!

    I know the ecomony is nothing to laugh at… but sometimes all you can do is chuckle to not go totally insane…

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